How to move forward while grieving a Loss

When a loved-one passes away, there are so many emotions that it can be overwhelming. Coupled with work, it can seem like there is no option but to recover quickly and get on with life-as-usual. But doing so holds many negatives…

Some people turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with loss and pain. The problem with that is that, even though it might help in the moment, long-term it has severely debilitating effects on how you can move forward in life. Mood-altering substances produce confusion in the brain. Though used for the supposed purpose of healing, they hinder the ability of the mind to go through the motions of grief and then navigate back to how to deal with reality.

By numbing and denying, one not only loses the way, but also denies the pain and shuts down important aspects of the relationship, such as memories of the person, feelings for them, and urges thought why are gone. This denial buries these feelings in the subconscious where they affect the future of the griever through illness, stress, emotional instability, and other happenings that are opposite to real healing. In a way, the person who is gone can never find peace, and the person who is grieving can never really move on.

Rather than pushing through grief with resilience and control, Ossefort-Russel believes and I concur, that “the terms fortitude, bear-with-courage, transform, and humility underlie a story that honors the strength” of being honest to your feelings when someone passes away.

I hold the strong belief that without those feelings of acceptance, you deny the person their existence, pushing them away into the nether world so that you can get back to business-as-usual. It lacks integrity. One needs to accept their loss in order to honor them, and it can take a long time to recover when you aren’t denying it in your heart through resilience.

Silence, mindfulness meditation (feeling the pain in your body, thoughts, memories… and letting it go), journaling, sharing your feelings with someone close, therapy; these are all ways that you can honor your grief and also your loved-one. Feel it to the fullest and let it go; this will honor both your feelings and the person who was so very important in your life.

These methods are ways that one can truly move forward with integrity and become a deeper and more truly resilient person in the end, through acceptance and change.

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/resilience-a-new-grief-myth-that-can-hurt-you/

Prickly Joshua Tree Blanket

This is a positive story from Southern California.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/2020/aug/20/joshua-tree-endangered-species-california-opposition

Even as developers and politicians in California attempt to thwart efforts to save Joshua Trees, a few people have begun to show that even though they are protected by needing a permit to cut them down, all 200+ permits passed last year. One person started a bill to protect the tree further, after 42,000 acres burnt down last year. You can see the details in the article.

What is heartening to me is that even though things may seem dark for the tree, there are people who are moving forward doing what they can in their own little ways.

It reminds me of the Bible story of David and Goliath. No matter how big the bully may seem, there must be a way to defeat it. Let us put our hearts and our heads together to move forward in whatever ways we personally find passion in. The world needs us. We may be small, but we are not weak.

Also, strength is not just literal fighting. It is following your joys, what makes you feel happy, while doing something for the world.

Of course, we need to be smart about it. My father told me I couldn’t study Art in university because I wouldn’t be able to make a living off of it as an adult. It was practical advice, and so I chose Biology, and that has been a really good decision I think, throughout my life. I studied two extra years for things that interested me, and was able to study Sumi-E in Japan. I think this helped me in the long run; my grades and my self-esteem were raised by doing things that I was good at while studying difficult subjects… I guess what I want to say is that just because we want to do something, doesn’t necessarily mean it is the best thing.

I think we should think carefully about the consequences of not acting right now in certain respects. I hope that my posts make a difference. Getting a Ph.D. was important, but I don’t know that anyone will ever read my dissertation. It’s a shame, because five years went into it, but the most important thing for me was the wisdom I got out of doing it. As I write posts that are related to my research, I think they reach many more people than my studies ever will, unless I get famous. But during those five years of studies, I did a lot that I felt was good. I saved a lot of little animals, I was a volunteer at Kizuna Baby (an orphaned baby massage organization), I helped fellow students, organized community music events, and other social events for students…

But right now, for me, writing blog posts is one of the most powerful things I can do right now, I think. I also think that making videos about edibles and medicinals would be fun and well-appreciated.

What can you do for the world, something that you think you are good at and love to do? I’m sure you are full of treasures. 🌟

The Tower

I found this postcard lying on the floor today… it became today’s esoteric reading. In this painting by the surrealist Spanish painter Remedios Varo, she captured part of the essence of what I believe is appropriate to the moment.

I think this painting was a twist on the tarot card “The Tower.” In the original image, people jump from a burning tower in terror as their world crumbles around them. It is one of the more dreaded cards in the deck, with a meaning of the death of something or extreme changes. A falling apart of what is known.

This painting is done with he same perspective, but with the tower having crumbled, its pieces strewn upon the earth. A flutist is, with music, magically encouraging their piecing back into place in the tower, pulling the world back together.

The Coronavirus pulled many people out of their towers, where they thought they were safe and had their lives. They suddenly tumbled down, their known existence in shambles, the tower of their lives ruined. But I see many creative people pulling themselves up with a musical force from the heart, communicating about the true necessities of the world and our own lives.

The Tower card of the tarot also symbolizes new beginnings. With the end of something comes the beginning of something new. Thus, in my readings I always bring this point up. The Tower card need not be feared, more it is a call to courage and determination in the face of great change.

This painting by Varo also says that what is needed is creativity and listening to the heart. We can all heal but we need to get creative and listen to what is needed calling from the dark recesses of our silent souls and the silent voice of this beautiful Earth that we live upon. True healing will come when we can face what we truly need to heal: ourselves and our home.